She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
