the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
