You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
