We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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