So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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