I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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