So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How does one acquire holy water?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
