me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
