Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
