Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
