Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
