Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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