So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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