I got chris browned last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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