then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
