It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
