I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
