Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
