this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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