omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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