Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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