i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your penis caused this!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
