swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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