I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
