Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
