He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
