With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
as a side note pls kill me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
