never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
there is glitter all over my balls
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