I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
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