I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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