I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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