You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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