Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
