that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
