I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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