Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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