you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
