Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
