Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
