There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
