why didn't you poke me back
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
