So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
