Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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