we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
