By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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