yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Boobs are out for the taking
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We're too hungover to prance.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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