My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
