when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
