apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
