Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
