Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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