Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
