I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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