Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My bed smells like the plague
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
