I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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