I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
