I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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