Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
